by Br Collin Wee
30 May 09 @ CAEC
What would you say the synopsis of a talk titled like that could be? I went thinking I was going to learn a thing or 2 about how to connect with teens, and help shepherd them through life’s problems. However, I was surprised to find out that Br. Collin would be talking about suicide instead! Haha reminds me of my counseling days =p But before we go into the details…
Fran and I were the 2 earliest participants. So we did a really nice thing, we helped Br Collin compile and distribute his handouts to the other participants. What a way to start a beautiful morning, in service of others =)
The talk started with us doing a questionnaire to get us thinking about how we viewed suicide. Br Collin also gave us some background to how people viewed suicide in the past. Not too long ago in the church, a catholic victim’s body had to stay outside at his own funeral mass because of the nature of the mortal sin. The police used to handcuff dead bodies of people who had committed suicide because it too was a crime. Lol sounds a bit crazy? Mind you that was the practice just under 50 years ago.
Thankfully, views on suicide are changing to become more accepting. Accepting of what? Namely that suicide is only the surface of a much deeper and longer problem and it is less a crime and a mortal sin (not that it isn’t), than it is more of a medical and psychological state that people are in which causes them to commit the act. A simple way of understanding this is like, no one really steals because he thinks its right, he is usually driven by a need or has something like an addiction/impulse to steal.
Similarly, people who contemplate suicide and finally commit the act are often saddled with so many problems, that they use suicide as a final means to get rid of them forever. All studies have shown - and we know cos we are also human beings - that people DO NOT want to kill themselves, they only want to kill the problem. Tragically, the former is always implicated in the latter.
Even though on an institutional (church and society) level we are more understanding of the problem now, we still have to work on our acceptance of it on a personal level. That’s the only way to healing. Suicide is a taboo issue, especially when someone close is a victim of it. Very few people will openly talk about it even with their family and close friends. However, reconciliation can only come about if we let our wounds be mended through communication, both with others and with God. If not, like a physical wound, it may fester inside and decay our minds and souls.
There were so many things that were covered at the talk about how do we identify people who may be suicidal, how should we go about helping them, what are the dos and don’ts. Listing them down here won’t be able to convey the appropriate background meanings and nuances, so I’ll just share the summary of what I took away as the right disposition and attitude when working with others on this issue.
1. Every human creature is a blessed creation of God, and bears his likeness. It is from the fundamental dignity of each human person that we try and help them to treasure and find meaning in their lives.
2. Suicide isn’t the problem; it is the tip of the quick-fix method to solve the real problems.
3. Engaging a suicidal person in a sincere and dignified way is the best way to help.
4. Listen, listen and listen to him. Never judge, but suggest helpful advice in a Christ-like manner.
5. Find out the underlying problem by getting to know him and gaining his trust.
6. Apply a wholesome approach to therapy. Work with the person in body, mind and soul, together with person, family and friends, including where necessary faith, religion and society.
7. Let God work through you, just place yourself and your charge in his care. Pray, pray and pray.
It was truly a morning filled with touching moments where Br Collin shared his personal encounters with many teens he has helped over his 27 years as a counselor; the little and huge differences he’s made in their lives. It was also a hilarious morning peppered with humour as he shared joke after joke. Here’s one based on a true story.
A man from IMH had threatened to jump off the 6th story at a HDB block one morning. Many people were at the scene and police and civil defense personnel had also arrived. All of them were unable to coax him off the parapet of the floor. In Bro Collin’s animated pose and tone, ‘I’m going to jump, I warn you ah, I’m going to jump. All of you don’t come near me, you all treat me like that, I don’t want to stay with you anymore.’ After many hours, one of his friends, also from IMH, happened to walk by and saw what was happening. He nonchalantly walked to the base of the block and asked his friend what he was up to. The protagonist repeated the words he told everyone else. His friend replied, ‘Aiyah you want to jump from 6th floor? Who cannot? I also can, everyone here also can. Why don’t you try coming down here then jumping up there instead?’ Whereupon his friend promptly got of the ledge, took the lift down to the first floor and was rescued.
Hahahaha!! I was laughing my bum out of the chair! It truly takes a crazy person to understand another crazy person sometimes. Fran thoroughly agrees! =p
So after the session ended, we went over to IHM and said our rosary for the YM and all of you. The church was beautiful and peaceful. Only the 2 of us were there, and the quietness was truly blessed.
And the day didn’t end there just yet, for there was something even more wonderful, ecstatic and breathtaking to come! But, that is a story for another time =)
Love,
Ben
